ONE kid.

I know there are people out there with more kids than me…people who have 5…10…even 20 kids…but somedays 3 kids, feels like 20 kids.

For example:

As of late, I keep my grocery lists under 10 items…

is it so I can quickly check out at the 10 items or less register?

NO.

is it because before we even get into the store the cart is FULL?

YES.

I can't fit a whole list of groceries in my cart when I have a baby in the buggy seat and a toddler in the cart refusing to sit with his knees bent.  PLUS, a husky 5 year old who thinks I won't notice when he "hitches" a ride.

Every time I walk into Wal Mart, I feel like their security cameras zoom in on me…and the employees start whispering to each other, sure the customers are smiling at my seemingly cute kids in the produce aisle, but by the time we get back to dairy they are clearly avoiding us.

Just getting ready to go to the store, makes me break a sweat.

"You! go potty."
"You! Be quiet!"
"You! get your shoes on!"
….change a diaper….tie a shoe…find my shoes…find my phone…let the dog out...gather the children in the van…buckle.buckle.buckle…buckle...drive….turn around and i forgot the grocery list.

Then it's the questions in the van…
"can we watch a movie!?"
"are we going to AppleBees?"
"are we going to grandma's"
"is it Christmas yet?"
"do old people die?"

"NO!"

While in walmart, I stick to the list…any wondering or lingering decisions (should I get chicken or beef…are we out of peanut butter?) causes complete anarchy.  And I can't turn my back on them too long or I will turn around to Blakely standing [smiling] threatening to plunge to her death. Tate laying down, using the hamburger buns as a pillow and Riley, hiding behind a display shooting at all the old people with canes, eye patches and rascals.

It's a guarantee that:

-Blakely will drop her pacifier and it will roll underneath the shelves and be covered with Wal Mart filth.

-Tate will have to go potty, after I fill the cart with groceries {of coarse}

-Riley will sneeze and scream while snot drips down his face, as I frantically get a tissue.

So, this morning when I was getting the kids ready for this fun-filled adventure to Wal Mart, I was thinking…this would be so much simpler with ONE kid.  When it was just Riley and me, none of this crap happened!

When I had ONE kid, my house was always clean.

When I had ONE kid, I was able to concentrate my time on him, so he never got into trouble.

When I had ONE kid…I was on top of his safety

We watched WAY LESS TV when I only had ONE kid

When we had ONE kid, we didn't go to Wal Mart as often.

Ahhh…life was so much simpler with ONE kid.

or is the saying…Life was so much simpler when you WERE A KID!

either way. I need a vacation.